I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize