i jhust puked up my retainher.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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