my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
whose parrot is this?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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