i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just threw up on my dentist
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
