Your dad touched me again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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