He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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