I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
