I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
