I smell stomach acid.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
