Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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