What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
