I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
