oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
