I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The Olympian is in my bed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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