OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
