I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
