eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
