i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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