Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
