she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
