As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
