About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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