i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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