the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
