I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
