they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
