My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The power of my boobs compel you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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