First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
