Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
