his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
