i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
