New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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