you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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