Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
