I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
