my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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