did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
