so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
