New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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