Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
