I wanna bring you to show and tell
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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