I just saw a hot homeless man
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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