So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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