I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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