Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
