She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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