Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
