I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it's like iHOP with fire
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
