I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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