You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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