I just made out with a guy for $7.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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