also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
