great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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