Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
