im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
