nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
that is very illegal...i love you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
