Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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