We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
