i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
