JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she looked like the before picture.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
