can u get pink eye on your cock?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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