You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
