Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
