I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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