I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
