I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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