She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
